So probably the reason why I drink so much and tend to destroy myself often each night is because otherwise I don’t feel much.

Creating games is nice and it touches people but it doesn’t do or make you feel as much as a artist that performs.  Because of that, the only passion I get or can feel right now is by consuming large amounts of alcohol. 

I honestly feel like nothing I have done so far has enough meaning or touched enough people.  That’s why I’m really making these next 2 games to come out really soon to have as interesting story possible.

But still even if I do anything amazing, I still feel like there is something burning inside of me that needs to get out, and in order to put it out I need to drink.  Because it burns inside of me, I don’t know what it is, but it is the desire to do more. 

scurviesdisneyblog:

Pocahontas and John Smith Production Drawing

Unicorn talk. (Taken with instagram)

http://instagr.am/p/W8XXe/

Social iOS mmo concept art.

mechowars:

Dragon Unit. Winged Crusade concept art.

Social iOS mmo concept art. Vendor concept. (Taken with instagram)

mechowars:

The Landians

nythroughthelens:

Jeniviva. Photography by Pixievision.

I received terrible news today. Someone who I was close with during a pivotal time in my life from when I was 17 years old into my early 20s died in a car accident. It’s hard for me to even write let along compose thoughts about this because I am so overwhelmed with grief. How does one make sense out of such a senseless tragedy?

I was going through so much turmoil in my life when I first met her back when I was in my late teens. She was one of the people who welcomed me into her home and heart during my darkest moments and I spent some of the most vivid moments of that part of my life with her.

So many memories are flooding into my mind. Here are a few:

~ nights spent in her cocoon-like room listening to barely audible Roger Waters (my dreams still recall the dream-dialogue from all those listens of The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking especially Go Fishing ), Dead Can Dance, Peter Murphy and Siouxsie and the Banshie albums before drifting off to sleep,

~ the first band I was ever in with her,

~ rolling down the hill in the amphitheater at Queens College,

~ her referring to me as Gothic-Barbie when she first met me at 17 ( I had long blonde hair),

~ the time we went away for a weekend in winter with our drummer and other bandmates that is forever etched in my mind (standing and twirling in the snow! laughing at everything and anything),

~ her dressing me up in Victorian costume after watching Bram Stoker’s Dracula and collapsing into laughing fits because we realized how absurd we were being,

~ listening to Mazzy Star in Chris’s basement with Yana in the little furnace room and making up alternative lyrics to Unreflected that may or may not have included a lyric change from ‘memories’ to ‘mammaries’ (still makes me laugh),

~ a rather deep conversation I had with her a few years ago out at a dance event about our lives,

~ her personality that was larger than anything in this whole wide world.

—-

She was a star: one that burned brightly with great intensity.

She had a personality that could fill up the universe with light, laughter and magic.

She takes the secrets I shared with her about things I have never uttered to anyone else with her now and my heart feels heavier than air.

I have some very existential beliefs about our existence on this earth. Yet somehow, with this loss, I feel as if her spirit is tangible; as if in every tear, a bit of her is present. She touched so many people’s lives. She touched mine in a way that I will most likely never forget for as long as I am blessed enough to exist. I am reminded of how fragile and delicate our existences are in this moment.

Many people know (I can’t use the term ‘knew’ just yet, it’s too difficult and makes it too real, like pouring salt into a wound) her via her brilliant dance career. I am going to share some performances of hers that I love immensely so others can understand even just an iota of the beauty and talent this world lost today:

Jeniviva - Plight of the Siren Performance Piece

Jen talking about Gothic Bellydance and femme fatales

Jeniviva - At Dances of Vice 2010

Jeniviva performing an improvisational piece back in 2005 (one of my favorites despite the video quality)

—-

I will end this post with one of Jen’s favorite quotes from her favorite novel by Herman Melville along with a song that has special meaning:

“Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off — then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.” -Chapter 1 - Herman Melville - Moby Dick

—-

Jen played this for me years ago for the first time on an intense night that will forever remind me of her and somehow seems fitting for right now:

Lisa Gerrard - Sanvean

—-

You can view this post over at my Google Plus Page here.

—-

browniec:

Jeniviva’s Final FB statuses (the day before)…

Jeniviva Mia: 4 people have died suddenly and tragically this week. I am overwhelmed with this light bursting from within me, desiring nothing more to cover the ones left behind with love and soothing warmth. I pray. I pray. I pray for their healing. ♥
God Speed.
Yesterday at 3:56pm · Like · 3
Jeniviva Mia: and p.s., tell Everyone you know that you love them and live life with all you got every single effing day. That’s all I got. I’m going back to the lab to make some soul mending smelling salts and then having a sit down with some Malbec tonight.

………..•*¨`*•. ♥ .•*¨`*•………….•*¨`*•. ♥ .•*¨`*•………….•*¨`*•. ♥ .•*¨`*•………….

My prayer (for those left behind)
Healing. Light like molten lava
emerging filling in
every crack of your despair
and you shall be healed

_______________________________

Sends chill down my spine and even more ache to my heart. Like she knew without knowing…….

Woodkid - Iron

Charli XCX - ‘Nuclear Seasons’

I remember seeing this as a child and wondering what the bloody hell?

robotnixie:

What?? 

…..

I’m only disappointed I didn’t post this a few days ago. 

Well It’s actually our own animation software in our own engine, http://robotnixie.tumblr.com has been animating in it.

Our engine works on iOS, PC, Mac, etc…